Last year one of our children made a serious breach of one of our family rules. For most people the rule would seem ridiculous anyway and not realistic, but in our house it had always been thus and it wasn't new or unconnected to our family way. We don't have a ton of rules but the ones we do have are in place for very specific and thought out reasons.
It was a very big deal and the seriousness of the situation was not lost upon the child. To use my beloved's phrase, there was a lot of "emotional intensity" that day and it was clear that trust had been broken and would have to be earned back.
But you know what I remember my husband doing next? He set aside his anger and the hurt that every parent feels when their child has grievously sinned, and he looked at our offspring and reassured them that they were loved and that while they had done wrong they had not committed the unpardonable sin. He made it clear that while our fellowship was broken because of their sin complete restoration was possible.
Basically he prepared the soil for their repentance to take root and bloom.
A few weeks ago I shared a post about how important it is that we do not forget the personhood of the one being corrected. It can be easy to so focus on wanting to eliminate the sin that we forget the sinner.
We have to go back to our reason for correction. We don't want obedience simply for the sake of obedience. In Hebrews 12:11 we're told that the reason for discipline is so that it will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
How we respond to the one seeking repentance is pretty important. If our child's desire for forgiveness had fallen onto the stony ground of, "Yeah, well you really buggered this up didn't you?" the odds are that seeds of pride would have been sown instead of the blossom of forgiveness and restoration.
Are there consequences for sins? Yes. But the consequence is not a harsh pseudo forgiveness that comes with the crushing weight of judgment.
When true forgiveness is given there is a liberation. The imaginary of Hebrews 12:11 is the image of resurrection...life being born out of death. Sin is death and repentance is life.
Let us make sure that we cultivate a community that has fertile soil for the seeds of discipline to take root so that righteousness may grow. Let's prepare the ground in such a way that it's easy for our children or spouses or friends to seek forgiveness. There are no hoops for them to jump through and we don't withhold restoration because it is within our power to do so, dangling it just out of their reach.
Christ doesn't. In I John 1:9 we're told that He is faithful to forgive us...may we be faithful to forgive each other.